Burnout

I've got to find a way to motivate myself.

I'm down to the last six weeks of a three year journey to a Masters degree. I cannot believe that I could run the marathon only to have my body give out within sight of the finish line. My rational mind simply won't accept that. Yet the rest of me is saying enough.

I am exhausted and that feeling won't go away no matter how much sleep I get. I can't motivate myself to take an interest in anything. The project that is supposed to be the culmination of three years of work and effort doesn't interest me in the slightest anymore. Even the impending grade at the end of the quarter isn't even enough of a motivator anymore. I feel detached from life...like I'm watching my life on TV.

I'm not writing this for anyone's sympathy. I've chosen the path I'm on and I need to see it through to the end. However, something has to change within me if I'm going to finish as strong as I started. The question remains, what needs to change? That is the answer I'm desperately searching for right now. Its not a matter of physical strength. Perhaps its strength of will or something along those lines.

What I sincerely hope is not the problem is that I'm having a pride issue. The only thing remaining for my degree is my final project. I've dotted all the 'I's and crossed all the 'T's as far as the University is concerned. They say I'm ready. I say I'm more than ready. My instructor is my only barrier to completion now.

Then there is the issue that my final project is for a development team I'm trying to break into, and that the project is very high profile for the University I work for. Again, I'm not looking for pity, I've chosen this path. However, I'm wondering if all the perceptions and expectations are playing on my nerves and I just don't have anything more to give.

The option I refuse to explore is the past. There is nothing I can do about it and it doesn't help the future at all. However, I'm at a loss for what to do from here. I guess I'm just not seeing all of the options that are available to me. Perhaps I need to just relax and examine where I am and tackle the next thing I need to accomplish and move on when its done. If that doesn't work, I fear there won't be time to attempt another solution.

Pray for strength, wisdom, and perserverence. God will provide.