Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The certainty of uncertainty

I'm moving my family to Denver, Colorado next month.

This move comes as the result of a job search that went in a wholly unexpected direction. With it comes the myriad of emotions that are now pushing me to the bring of manic-depressive behavior.

On the one hand, I am filled with the excitement and energy of the new possibilities of this new job and this new area. A new job to focus on, new professional opportunities, and better pay. A chance to meet new people and find out about a place that is just stunning in its natural beauty. A new state, with a different set of priorities and a different political realities. A better economy. Good schools for my kids and the potential to be able to spend more time focused on my family.

On the other hand, I am filled with the uncertainties and trepidations of severing ties in Michigan and setting up our life in Colorado. Dealing with the realities of selling a house in a state that has lead the country in economic down turns for the better part of a decade now. Dealing with trying to set up a place to live from 1,100 miles away with almost no money since our savings have been tapped out for quite some time now. Dealing with saying good bye to dear friends and loved ones. The anxiety of setting out to a new city where we know no one, have no family to speak of and no support system in place.

I am riding this crazy roller coaster and I desire almost more than anything to just get off. Maybe the two weeks where I am in Denver and my family is in Michigan will allow me to clear my head a little and gain a little perspective of what might be. Then again, two weeks without my family might depress me to the point where I am unable to see the good.

Through all of this though is the ringing refrain inside my head, "be still and know that I am God." I know I have not exactly been the model of trust that I should have been this past year. I have tried trusting, but when it there did not seem to be any end to our financial situation it became easy to despair. Now that the path out has been revealed, I feel compelled to not repeat the mistakes of a few months ago and not let all this anxiety overwhelm me. I pray for wisdom and hope it is delivered.

The reality is that I know what must be done. The path before me seems so plain and I have peace about this move. The anxiety I have now is really if I have the strength to endure. I know I must, my wife and kids depend on me, and I trust the the strength to walk this path will be given to me. I feel a little like Joshua as he is saying good bye to Moses to lead the Israelites into their new life. Sure, the path is plain, but the giants are so huge.

be still and know that I am God. - Psalm 46:10

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